I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you had me at cake vodka
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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