She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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