Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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