Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
