no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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