I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
