That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
