I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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