So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
