I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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