Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
