thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
