when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
