Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
