You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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