apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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