The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
