I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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