Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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