I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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