Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
