every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
