just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
