I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
