everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
