I want to make a zoo with you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
jump out the window naked night went bad
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