Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
