yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
