what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
