Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
