Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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