if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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