Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
