rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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