I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
