Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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