Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
