3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
