Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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