I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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