I cannot find my penis.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
