One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
