just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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