Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
