listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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