I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
