I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
