Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
