your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
