I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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