careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
