I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
