Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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