my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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