Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
