Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
