i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
