There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
