i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
