I have demons in me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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