4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
