You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
