Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
