hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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