his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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