he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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