You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
