I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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