i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
