marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
