she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
