Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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