Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
