got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
