At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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