You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize