Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dick very happy bro
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
