that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
