Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize