One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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